Where it all started?

The summer of 2009 was very hot. She beamed at the bright and sunny day as she walked out of the examination hall, marking the end of her high school life. Tonight she was going to watch a movie and then go for dinner afterwards with her family to celebrate the end of her school life. Within a week she will have to start studying for the college entrance examinations. Within a month she will apply for study abroad programs. Within a year she will be in an alien land bewildered and appalled by the people surrounding her.

But before that, she needed to break up with her boyfriend. They started dating since Christmas Day of the year 2008 and had countless number of fights of since then. She says she never loved him but rather pitied him for his kindness, generosity and honesty towards her. He says he loved her more than anybody else in the world and was willing to give up even his family for her. But how certain can a teenage couple be about love when they have no other worries in the world? As expected, trouble ensued when other guys started asking her out. That is because she never made the relationship public for lack of confidence in her reason for getting into the relationship. He was jealous. He was angry. She still showed her affection towards him but to no avail. When the devil of jealousy creeps into a guy's mind, there is no going back. She decided to break up. After all, what use was a relationship when it constantly bruised your heart, made you detest yourself and prevented you from accomplishing your life goals and ambitions.

On June 8th 2009, she stepped outside the U.S. Visa Consulate Embassy with a big smile on her face. She was successfully granted the United States Student Visa despite the prayers of her ex boyfriend who favoured the odds. Everybody said it was difficult to obtain a U.S. visa after the 9/11 incident. She was happy. Her dad was happy. Her mom was happy. She was going to the United States of America to start her life afresh. She will learn a new culture, travel to new places, make new friends and begin a life of discovering herself and her aspirations. It will all be different but she will find a way to handle it. She has to find a way to handle it. After all, life happens when you are busy making other plans.

Finally.. Decided

I have finally made a choice. And the way I did it, was easy... by being passive.

No matter who I talked to, it made sense if I chose England over Cyprus. After all, despite the cons, it has a good track record of sending the graduates to USA. On the other hand, Cyprus lacks this history completely. In addition to this, it does not even guarantee a place in UK Foundation Program. No matter which place I choose, I will still be an Indian Citizen and hence, my entrance into USA residency will be difficult. So I'd rather go to a college which at least guarantees me residency somewhere. Because despite what degree I earn, I will still have to work hard to get into the speciality of my choice.

Today Mom asked me what speciality I wanted to go into? I didn't respond because a part of me was worried that I will not be able to make it and then I will disappoint her. I didn't want her to have any hopes so that just in case, they do not get destroyed. I guess that is wrong. If I am not confident in myself, I will not get any help. Will summon courage someday to tell her the truth.

For now.. I will just let tomorrow's deadline pass that will seal my future. My uncertainty is due to my past failures and my future fears. I wished to get some help, but it didn't work out. I wish the heavens above would provide me with an answer. But no matter what, I am choosing what I deem to be the best choice right now. And hence, I hope I do not regret it.

Making a Choice

When faced with a choice.. Some people make a table. Some people go ahead with whatever came first. Some people follow their gut. Some people listen to experts.

What will she choose? How will she choose? She doesn't know.
She is following the checklist and packing her bag. Her inbox is filled with emails waiting for her acknowledgement. Her hope for expert advice is running out. She is reading and writing to procrastinate. But soon enough she will have to make a choice.

And choose, she will have to wisely... for it will last all her life.

Decision Time

I don't usually believe in horoscopes. Read them more for fun because I never remember them. My today's horoscope clearly talked about my making a decision and asking everyone in range for a solution. It advised me to instead ask one or two people who are actual experts for their opinions.
And I completely agree.

Reading this horoscope I knew what was coming along.
I got accepted in St. George's University of London in Nicosia, the offshore school I applied to. Although I have already gotten my British Visa and the practical me thinks about just moving on with that plan but SGUL has its own benefits. It offers a UK medical degree and amazing clinical rotation opportunities, in addition to a practical learning curriculum.

Sigh! I guess I should start looking out for experts !

My Day Today

The very first news I received this morning was that I have been issued a UK Visa.
 Next step is to book my tickets. So this is finally happening. I am going to England to pursue the first year of my medical studies. It is not as rushed as it feels but it still leaves my heart throbbing. Every time that happens I tell myself that if my heart throbs then there is a risk involved and nothing great in life can be achieved without a risk.

There are so many things that I have learnt in the past one year.

Time is money. I have wasted a lot of my time doing nothing or just staying idle beyond the point of relaxation. There were times when I complained about the lack of number of hours in a day but if I see it from a different perspective, I have a lot of time in my hand.. I just need to learn to use it wisely.

People are always the same, we just choose to be blind to their follies. There was a time when I would say that people change but now that I think of it that it is only the situations that change and hence, people's priorities. When I felt the love of some of my so-called love and family, it was because that was the most convenient thing for them to do. But when situation changed, I got to see their true self.

I can go on and on about the things I learnt but I'd rather focus on the present and the future rather than dig up graves from the past. I am happy because I am making efforts now. Because instead of running blindly I took a break to reflect and see my progress and this has helped me to actually move further in life and towards my goal. Things may not have gone as I once desired but things aren't that bad either. I need to believe in myself because now I am doing the best I can.

P.S.
If you notice the new widget on the bottom left of the screen, the credit goes to JcDaGreat. I have never met her personally yet I have always been fascinated by her.

My Bucket List

I have always thought of so many things that I wanted to do, that I still want to do. Once upon a time I wanted to be an actor.. now I am not so sure. As I age, my priorities change and so does my wish list. So here is my most current bucket list.

1. Become famous.. for a good reason.
2. Walk in rain with someone special (while sharing the umbrella!??).
3. Read as many books as possible (more like novels).
4. Meet at least one famous celebrity (and make him fall head over heels for me!!?? Ha, just kidding).
5. Write my own book or a short story, something worth publishing.
6. Learn to swim.
7. Learn to dance (different forms).
8. Become a successful (and well-known) doctor.
9. Come back to the United States and hopefully settle down here.
10. Visit my friend in Singapore.
11. Lose at least 25 lbs weight.

Why waste my time and energy?

I was happy in my lonely life
Before you barged in.
You showed me care, you gave me hope,
I was completely lured!

I told you I don't want a relationship
You said it is okay, you can't force it
And then you stopped being my friend
I tell you I will be leaving soon
And that I don't want to
All you say is "that sucks!"
And that you are going to bed

Why did you ruin it for me?
You, the perfecto, has everything under control
Me, your polar opposite, is easily moved
Why waste my time and energy?

Daddy Stories

Father: Happy Birthday Sweetheart. What do you want for your birthday gift?
Daughter: I want some video games.

At the video game store,
Daughter: Wow. there is a BIG shop that sells only video games. Why did you never tell me about this? This is heaven.
Father: Well you know about it now. Go ahead and make your choice.
Daughter: But there are so many of them. Harry Potter, Pitfall, Age of Empires, Nancy Drew. I want them all.
Father: Now, now. Let's not be greedy, shall we?
Daughter: Alright..then I want all seven of the Harry Potter games.
Father: That's a lot. Plus, you have already played part 1-4.
Daughter: Alrighty, I will have Tomb Raider and Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego?
Father: Good. That should keep you busy for a bit.

A week later,
Daughter: I finished both the games, Daddy. Can we go back to that shop again, please?
Father: We will go there on your next birthday, sweetheart.
Daughter: Humphhhh!!!

Snowed In !

Welcome to Minnesota! The Land of Snow! 

Where, when the temperature goes forty below zero,

people wear gloves, hoodies and boots 

to go out and shovel the snow

out of their driveway and sidewalks

only to find it back there in an hour.

Where, the cold wind blows at seventy five miles per hour

in your face, you take a breath of air

and your nose gets frozen shut.

Where it warms up to seventy five degrees

two days following snow day

bringing along with it, the aftermath of Red River flooding.

Where the snow still lingers on

during the end of April 

when you are supposed to be out in  your porch

and sunbathing.

Where, having lived for nearly four years,

I can brag about making it through!

Book Review - P.S. I Love You

SPOILER ALERT!

So I just finished reading one of the most beautiful book ever written. Yes, I know it is sad but still beautiful :) It made me cry a few times (and this has never happened before, ever) but it made me appreciate life more. As humans, when our loved ones are gone, we are angry and depressed. We take that anger out at ourselves and blame God or life or whatever you believe in, for having given us such short time with that special somebody. This book helps you cherish the special memories that you have had with your special somebody and move on in life rather than crying over how much more time you could have spent with them.

A couple of things that I really like about this book.

First of all, the book is so much true to life. It shows the grief of a woman, Holly mourning the loss of her 30 year old husband, Gerry, to brain tumor. She is devastated, but of course and so are the other people around her such as her husband's parents and their best friends despite their normal attitude. Just because Denise is getting married and John and Sharon are having a baby, it does not reduces their grief over Gerry's death. From Holly's perspective, people expect her to get out and about and find a job and settle down to a new life without Gerry. They know that Holly has gone through a lot but sometimes they fail to understand that she is still going through it.

The book also shows how powerful love can be. Gerry was the centre of Holly's life ever since childhood. So now that he is gone, she is completely clueless on what to do. Gerry's death has created a complete void in her life that she doesn't know how to as well as she does not want to fill. That's when Gerry steps in and helps his sweetheart get over him. Wouldn't it be nice when those departed souls can guide us to a life without them?

Anyway, I think it is a must read for all and especially if you miss somebody or need help on how to cope with your loneliness. Here are a few of my favourite quotes from the book...

"Shoot for the moon, even if you fail, you'll land among the stars."

"... God leads you to it and takes you through it."

"Sometimes there is only one thing left to say, P.S. I Love You..."

Oh and a little spoiler, whenever you are sad, a cup of tea and some fresh air really helps ;)

P.S. Do not read it when you are bubbling with happiness and... I love you :)

50 Shades Of Men

• A well-to-do, intelligent and educated man in his early thirties...a loyal son, a mischievous friend and a protective gentleman. He motivates you, he inspires you. He gets caught in a turmoil between his father's perspective and his rational thinking. Instead of communicating and clarifying the situation, he blocks you from all social websites leaving you completely appalled. Why did a grown up man behave like such a child?

•  A decade old friend... sensitive, caring and a good listener. He knows your weaknesses yet he always reminds you of your strengths.  He always critiques, motivates and supports you. His friendship is a lifetime guarantee for you but in reality, no guarantee lasts that long. Hypocrisy, indifference and greed creeps in. He is superficial; he is judgemental. Was his friendship always such a lie?

• A sweet, polite and friendly guy... He is willing to travel 25 kilometers in the wee hours of the morning just to brighten up your mood. He can talk to you the entire night to listen to your girly fusses of life. He can carry your shopping bags for you. A good companion soon turns into a perfect boyfriend unless you find out that he is cheating on you with your own friend. What made him take such a big risk without any fear of being caught?

• A fun-loving, handsome and playful flirt of the college... he falls in love with the simplest and the most innocent looking girl of the college who later breaks up with him 'for a better option'. He yells, he cries; he is hurt, he is angry. He curses her to never be happy in her life again yet when he meets that girl, 12 years later, completely defeated in life, he vows to keep her happy forever. Why does he care for her so much?

What is it with these men that we can never figure out? How do they always end up surprising us either with their goodness or with their childishness? I understand that men hate to talk about their feelings. That is why sometimes we can never figure out who the real person is. Many say that people change but I say that people are always the same. It is just that in times of difficulties is that their true self is revealed. 

To be guilty or not!

        So I have been really annoyed with one of my friends because of constant lies and rudeness. I have been constantly bashing out the person's reputation with my painful but true remarks. I thought I will feel better having said what was in my heart but I feel guilty for having treated somebody like that. I am not sure if it is because this person is an old friend that I feel guilty. But whatever it is, it's lame for me to waste my time and energy into hurting somebody. I'd rather use my tool of humility and politeness to have my say and not care about the other person's reaction at all. At least this is what I have been taught.

My Love For You - 2nd draft

Tormenting it is

To think about you

I detest you

Yet I yearn for you

This clash of wits

Is my last chance

To crush you

To maim you

But my love for you

Will tear me apart

My first poem - 1st draft

This cold weather this loneliness
And I think of that special someone

The one who made me smile
The one who fulfilled all my wishes
Never did he falter, never did he forget
And he raised me like a princess

Where have you gone now?
I miss you, come back now

Your princess is sad, your princess is lonely
Never will I find someone like you
Never will I love anybody more than you

If miracles exist, I hope to see you again
If not, know that I am fine and be born again

Life in India

I have been in India for about 3 weeks now. I feel more relaxed and happy now. I sleep well, and on time. And for some reason, even if I am doing nothing, I am always busy. After all, I love being pampered and lazy.

Amidst all this I am trying not to procrastinate, to finish my home works, to get my recommendation letters, to fill up my letters and to continue to struggle in this medical school application process. I am here for another month or so and I already feel that time is running fast. Well, as long as it is running towards my goal, I don't mind. I really hope it is. Touch wood!

Being cheerful

Two of my friends recently complimented me that they can always rely on me to make them smile. That's true. Although I do realize the seriousness of situations but i can still find something funny about it. After all, I can not be sad forever.

Sometimes it can be scary to be a cheerful person . People might take your smile for granted. Even if there is a grief inside of you that is completely devouring you. They will know that eventually i will laugh it off. but sometimes you don't want to laugh it off. You want to remember it and cry your heart out until it stops hurting .

Nonetheless I continue to be happy because I know my laughter can make a difference in somebody's life. It is a rare talent, after all!

Coffee Prince

With Coffee Prince begins my love for Korean drama and South Korea in general..

It is the story of a hard-working 24 year old, tomboy Eun Chan who crosses path with a good-looking yet proud rich brat Han Gyul. Han Gyul hires her to spoil his blind dates set up by his grandmother. Only thing is he thinks he is a  man. Later his grandmother forces him to to run a coffee shop where he hires Eun Chan as one of his workers and slowly starts falling for her (or as he thinks, him). Eun Chan wants to tell him that she is a girl but is afraid he will never want to see her again.

This romantic comedy very nicely explores the complexity of human feelings. In the beginning Han Gyul has a 9 year old crush on his cousin's girlfriend Yoo Joo. Yoo Joo dumped Gyul's cousin for another guy and now is back to get together with her ex. But she still hangs out with Gyul,  that gives him hope. On the other hand Gyul's cousin has always loved only one woman, Yoo Joo but is later shaken by Eun Chan. The drama shows that our first crush may not always end up being our first love. There is a lot of difference in liking and actually loving somebody. And it is okay if you have mixed feelings for two individuals at the same time.

Other reason I like the show is because it keeps you entertained throughout. The comedy, the sadness, the romance, makes you want for more. You can't help but wonder if such a pure love even exist? And the best part, the male lead actually looks like a male, so you just can't help but admire him. You wish to get a guy like him, good looking and yet willing to stay away from his girlfriend for two years so that she can pursue her dreams.

Korean movies

So I was really mellow and just wanted to watch something funny.
I stumbled upon this korean movie, Seducing Mr. Perfect, which by the way is available on youtube...

... and it ended up being one of my favourite movies of all time. It is definitely going into my DVD collection someday.

Seducing Mr. Perfect is a romantic comedy in which a kind-hearted and beautiful woman, a believer of true love ends up being a personal assistant for an arrogant, rich, handsome guy for whom love is only a game that can be won by following the rules. So what makes it different from any other arrogant boss and innocent secretary office romance?

Well, there are many reasons:

• First of all, no matter how much the guy bashes out the girl's self respect, you can just not hate him. Because from the first scene itself you know that the guy has a soft inside underneath that harsh exterior. When he takes the girls' photograph and never deletes it, when he offers to buy dinner for her, when he rejects her boxed lunch and yet makes sure that he reaches the bar in time to meet her... He is nice and he likes spending time with the girl and yet he doesn't hesitate to make her feel worse..why? It just makes your curious
• The dialogue delivery between the two. How often do you see the guy talking in English throughout and the girl responding in Korean and yet they have no difficulty in understanding each other.
• Not a single scene made me sad. Even when Mr. Perfect insulted his secretary, I never for once hated his character.
• Their first kiss, you immediately want to kiss somebody. The restlessness the boss feels the morning after while the secretary has already forgotten about the kiss... hilarious!

I think this movie is literally a true romantic comedy. It makes me laugh every time I see it. This is definitely one of the movies that can always lift up my mood.

To write

I haven't posted for a long time. A lot of things were happening and I was busy dealing with them. Now I want to write again, to feel again, to discover myself again.

I started this blog with the intention to write blogposts that attract readers. I realised I was wrong. It is not about pleasing others. It is about pleasing yourself.

I like to write especially since all of my english professors have always complimented me on all my papers. Yet, I never blogged regularly because I feel it will have to make it perfect and I am too lazy to create a perfect blogpost. I do not worry about that anymore.

A friend of mine recently said to me, "Even if for ten minutes, make sure you write everyday."
And I am going to abide by her advice.

After all, one of my goals of life is to publish a book before I die.