Where it all started?

The summer of 2009 was very hot. She beamed at the bright and sunny day as she walked out of the examination hall, marking the end of her high school life. Tonight she was going to watch a movie and then go for dinner afterwards with her family to celebrate the end of her school life. Within a week she will have to start studying for the college entrance examinations. Within a month she will apply for study abroad programs. Within a year she will be in an alien land bewildered and appalled by the people surrounding her.

But before that, she needed to break up with her boyfriend. They started dating since Christmas Day of the year 2008 and had countless number of fights of since then. She says she never loved him but rather pitied him for his kindness, generosity and honesty towards her. He says he loved her more than anybody else in the world and was willing to give up even his family for her. But how certain can a teenage couple be about love when they have no other worries in the world? As expected, trouble ensued when other guys started asking her out. That is because she never made the relationship public for lack of confidence in her reason for getting into the relationship. He was jealous. He was angry. She still showed her affection towards him but to no avail. When the devil of jealousy creeps into a guy's mind, there is no going back. She decided to break up. After all, what use was a relationship when it constantly bruised your heart, made you detest yourself and prevented you from accomplishing your life goals and ambitions.

On June 8th 2009, she stepped outside the U.S. Visa Consulate Embassy with a big smile on her face. She was successfully granted the United States Student Visa despite the prayers of her ex boyfriend who favoured the odds. Everybody said it was difficult to obtain a U.S. visa after the 9/11 incident. She was happy. Her dad was happy. Her mom was happy. She was going to the United States of America to start her life afresh. She will learn a new culture, travel to new places, make new friends and begin a life of discovering herself and her aspirations. It will all be different but she will find a way to handle it. She has to find a way to handle it. After all, life happens when you are busy making other plans.

Finally.. Decided

I have finally made a choice. And the way I did it, was easy... by being passive.

No matter who I talked to, it made sense if I chose England over Cyprus. After all, despite the cons, it has a good track record of sending the graduates to USA. On the other hand, Cyprus lacks this history completely. In addition to this, it does not even guarantee a place in UK Foundation Program. No matter which place I choose, I will still be an Indian Citizen and hence, my entrance into USA residency will be difficult. So I'd rather go to a college which at least guarantees me residency somewhere. Because despite what degree I earn, I will still have to work hard to get into the speciality of my choice.

Today Mom asked me what speciality I wanted to go into? I didn't respond because a part of me was worried that I will not be able to make it and then I will disappoint her. I didn't want her to have any hopes so that just in case, they do not get destroyed. I guess that is wrong. If I am not confident in myself, I will not get any help. Will summon courage someday to tell her the truth.

For now.. I will just let tomorrow's deadline pass that will seal my future. My uncertainty is due to my past failures and my future fears. I wished to get some help, but it didn't work out. I wish the heavens above would provide me with an answer. But no matter what, I am choosing what I deem to be the best choice right now. And hence, I hope I do not regret it.